This website doesn’t attract a large audience. I’m OK with that and I’m even willing to state that I take sad kind of pride in the handful of eyes I can draw to this exercise. And that’s all it is: an exercise. I don’t insist that a crowd stand roadside and applaud when I go for a run, but I can still feel good about myself afterwards. Same deal with the blog.
That said, it’s still fun to see the numbers and learn how someone ends up on the blog, which is where my fascination with Google traffic begins. WordPress, the kind company that hosts the blog at a totally reasonable expense, tracks this information — how many people read each post, how they got there and what they were looking for — and gives me a nice, sortable summary. And it’s funny.
My most successful entry — this post about Brad Wall and Christi Olson that followed the Saskatchewan provincial election — drew almost 200 views, and a good chunk of that came from Google (mostly people looking for election results and one person who wanted “dwain lingenfelter jokes”).
Movember, it seems, was also popular with Internet people, as danyates.net got a dozen or so hits from people looking for either “Movember jokes,” “mustache jokes” or “Pringles mustache.”
It’s a simple formula: Mention something newsy that’s happening, or a famous name, and some stranger will accidentally stumble on your website. That’s why I get a laugh knowing that three people found me by searching “marlon brando fat” and four people wanted “chantal kreviazuk kids.”
Among the more random searches were “nerd motorcycle,” “cartoon person saying nonsense” and “bike stand with smart boys,” but it’s the sex with animals people that were most surprising.
I know! It’s an “if you build it, they will come” kind of situation. Back in November, I made some cracks about comedians, ducks and bestiality jokes, and, well, they came. Or they tried to anyway (easy joke, I know), by searching the following terms:
you tube zoophilia pictures
bestiality on you tube
They were almost certainly unsatisfied customers of danyates.net. That’s one crime that was delayed, if not prevented. You’re welcome, world.
And to the one person who searched “dan yates music writer,” you’re too kind. And to the one person looking for “danny yates, amateur comedian,” get your effing facts straight.
It’s Dan Yates, sometimes comedian.
Don’t go Googling my heart at email@example.com.